the quiet strength of letting go

For the past couple of weeks, there’s been a theme running through my coaching sessions and in my own life: the challenge of watching someone we love struggle and not stepping in to fix it.

Whether it’s a parent worried their child is isolating and unsure how much to intervene, a client watching her brother drift away from their mother and feeling responsible to mend it, or a daughter guiding aging parents into a safer living situation, the tension is the same. We want to protect. We want to help. And if we’re honest, we want to control the outcome.

The details vary, but the feeling is the same: If I don’t step in, something bad might happen.

The trap of rescuing

Here’s the hard truth: constantly stepping in doesn’t just take away someone’s opportunity to grow — it can also send the message: You’re not capable without me.

Sometimes our urge to help is more about easing our own discomfort than theirs. Even when it comes from love, it can land as control.

The shift: from control to trust

Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s choosing to care without controlling — to support someone’s growth without steering it.

It might look like sitting quietly while your teen struggles with a decision. Listening to a friend without offering advice. Asking your parent what they want, instead of making plans for them.

This isn’t easy. And it’s especially hard if you’ve learned that love means stepping in, fixing, or sacrificing. But trust, like love, grows stronger when we make room for others to find their way.

This week, instead of jumping in, try one of these small shifts:

• Ask: “Do you want help or just someone to listen?”

• Reflect: “I trust your ability to figure this out.”

• Notice: What’s the fear underneath your urge to fix?

• Remind yourself: Letting go makes space for growth — theirs and yours.

When you hold back and let your loved ones rise, something beautiful happens. You get to see their strength. And they get to feel it.